


Haunted

by Carefulthatsenough



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, kind of force ghost, some people are dead other die, this is kind of angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 14:59:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6758782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carefulthatsenough/pseuds/Carefulthatsenough
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hux” Ren says storming into his office, black robes twirling behind him.</p><p>“Go away” Hux says, not even glancing up from his data pad to look at him, it would hurt too much. He hears Ren laugh, that makes him look up. He doesn’t remember a time when he heard him actually laugh but here he is laughing, like the fact that Hux wants him to go away is the funniest thing in the entire galaxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haunted

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is kind of angsty and if you notice some mistakes or something tell me

It’s late but Hux still has work to do and he refuses to go to sleep.

“Hux” Ren says storming into his office, black robes twirling behind him.

“Go away” Hux says, not even glancing up from his data pad to look at him, it would hurt too much. He hears Ren laugh, that makes him look up. He doesn’t remember a time when he heard him actually laugh but here he is laughing, like the fact that Hux wants him to go away is the funniest thing in the entire galaxy.

Now Ren is standing right in front of his desk without his mask, he doesn’t wear it anymore. There’s a knowing look on his face and a sad smile that makes Hux heart ache.

“I could go but that’s not what you want” Ren says, it’s probably meant to be teasing but it only makes everything hurt more.

“You don’t know what I want, you can’t read my mind, not anymore” Hux voice crack on the last words.

And Ren frowns and there is pain in his eyes because he knows that Hux would have never indulged in this fantasy he would always tell Ren to get back to reality and stop being dramatic.

Ren would know that Hux would have never allowed this but here he is in front of him and Hux tells him to go away but he never means it. Hux would do anything to have him back but he knows that it is impossible even the force couldn’t do that.

“You always brought me back to reality, made me face life but now here I am” Ren says.

“That’s because I was your reality and you are just a dream, now go away” Hux says and he can’t breathe.

Without saying another word Ren leaves Hux’s office and now all Hux wants is to call to him, to tell him to come back, that he doesn’t want him to go away, never wanted him to. But it’s too late now.

Hux tries to concentrate on the report on his data pad, but his vision starts to blur and there’s droplet of water on his data pad.  He should stop for tonight but he can’t, he has too much work and he doesn’t want to sleep, his dreams always make him want to never wake up again.

They’re always about Ren.

 

X

 

 

The first time they kissed Hux felt nothing, it was just a kiss nothing more.

Ren had started to be present more, he actually started attending meetings. Hux didn’t even know why because even with that stupid helmet on he could still feel how bored Ren was, but the knight didn’t say anything and didn’t choke anyone during the meetings so Hux didn’t mind his presence.

That should have been the first sign.

Then Ren started showing on the bridge, he was just there, haunting the bridge and irritating Hux with his presence, Hux could feel him staring and it made the skin at the back of his neck prickle.

Hux should really have seen it coming but he never thought about Ren unless they were arguing about something or when Ren destroyed part of his ship. Hux had even never thought of him in a sexual way until the moment that Ren showed up in his office complaining about his next mission and how he didn’t approve of the plan. Hux was tired and was so done with Ren acting like a spoiled child, wanting everything to go his way that he wanted to scream at him but he was a general of the First Order and he will keep his calm.

He was trying to explain to Ren why was the mission important, trying to remain calm but he stopped mid-sentence.

Ren was suddenly crowding into his space probably trying to intimidate him, Hux was not going to step back and give Ren the satisfaction he wasn’t afraid of him, never had been but Ren was staring at his lips, actually it was more like a glare, like Hux’s lips had personally offended him.

And it all clicked in Hux’s mind everything that has been happening lately with Ren, his constant presence was for this, he wanted to kiss Hux.

Hux for his own surprise didn’t seem to mind it, he titled his head forward and suddenly he was kissing Ren. He doesn’t even remember who kissed who first.

When they pulled away Hux walked back to his desk to finish his work and Ren left the room.

For Hux it was just a meaningless kiss it didn’t even feel that good but he couldn’t help himself from licking his lips that still tasted like Ren’s.

After that Hux didn’t mind when Ren would come to him. Weirdly enough he found it kind of fun, kissing him, fucking him.

It was just fun.

 

 

X

 

“If I told that I love you would you believe me?” Ren asks one night.

Hux closes his eyes and sighs, he just wants to sleep but he turns over afraid of what he would see. When he opens his eyes Ren is laying on his back there next to him on his side of the bed, the side that Hux wants to remove because his bed feels to big now.

“You’re not real Ren, just go away and let me sleep” Hux says.

Ren hums and stays exactly where he is.

“If I had told you that I love you, how would you have reacted? I think that you would have ignored me, pretended like it never happened because acknowledging it would have made us face our feelings and that would have been the end of the fun or maybe you would have kicked me out and never wanted to see me again because you never know how to deal with emotions you’re not programmed that way.  What do you think?” Ren asks.

“It doesn’t matter what I think or what could have happened it’s never going to happen anyway” Hux says, he wants to scream but he’s so tired and he just wants to sleep.

“Come on, humor me don’t you ever wonder how different this could have been, if I didn’t…You know” Ren says.

And Hux laughs because even his illusion of Ren can’t say that he is dead, it doesn’t believe it. It’s because Hux hasn’t accepted it yet, refuses to. Hux isn’t laughing anymore he’s crying and it hurts so much he can barely breath.

He feels Ren trying to reach for him but that’s impossible, Ren will never touch him again and he will never touch Ren again, never feel his skin against his ever again. It’s all gone now all of it.

“You love me you know, if you didn’t I wouldn’t still be here” Ren says and his voice sounds far away.

Hux knows that, he knows why Ren is here, why he can’t let go. He doesn’t need Ren to remind him.

He’s sobbing now, hugging himself, trying to imagine what Ren would do if he was actually here, he never saw Hux cry the same way that Hux has never heard him laugh.

He doesn’t know how he falls asleep, but when he wakes up Ren is gone, Hux should stop expecting him to be here, he knows that Ren is gone he should stop all this but he doesn’t even try to fight it.

Before all this Hux didn’t even know that there was a part of himself that would be like this, that could feel this much, that would be able to hurt so deeply but here it is and it will never go away. It will haunt him forever and the worst part is that he wants to be haunted.

Hux gets out of bed, shower and goes to work. That’s who he is, that’s the only thing he still knows how to do, work work work because even breathing feels hard now.

 

X

 

After Hux rescues Ren from the collapsing planet, he orders all doctors and droids present to update him on Ren situation every few hours. Hux doesn’t go to see him in the medbay. It’s pointless it’s not like he could do anything and Ren probably doesn’t want Hux to see him this way.

Hux has too much work to do after the planet collapses to worry about Ren.

After a few days in medbay Ren decides to discharge himself by destroying a droid and throwing a doctor against a wall and then proceeded to lock his self in his room.

That makes Hux decide to go check on Ren. He doesn’t even bother to ask for entrance he just types his override code and enter. The room is dark and empty; he hears water coming from the fresher.

He starts preparing a long speech to give to Ren about the destruction of his ship and how he is a giant child that has no respect for other people hard work and how he should stop sulking and control his self but all of this dies in his throat when he sees him. Ren is sitting on the shower floor his legs drawn to his chest his arms around them and his head on his knees. He doesn’t even move when he hears Hux come in.

Hux doesn’t know what to say and Ren is bleeding from somewhere because the water is turning red.

“You’re bleeding” that’s what comes out of his mouth. Isn’t he supposed to be an excellent orator?

Ren doesn’t move and Hux doesn’t know what to do, he’s not good with these kind of things and Ren obviously needs someone’s help.

 Hux is still standing there not knowing what to do but he’s frozen in place, can’t move when he realizes that Ren is crying, his shoulders are shaking, people don’t usually cry in front of Hux unless they’re begging for their life so he has no idea how to handle this situation.

He just takes a few steps forward trying to get a better look at Ren. The only sound in the room is the water. And Hux doesn’t know for how long they’re just sitting there before Ren speaks.

“I killed my father” Ren says. Hux waits for more but it doesn’t come.

“Okay. Is that why you’re here crying?” Hux asks.

Ren doesn’t respond and Hux is losing his patience he has other things to do, why is he wasting his time trying to comfort Ren?

“So you killed daddy and then you got beaten up by a scavenger and now you’re crying. You’ve reopened one of your wounds I don’t know which one but you’re bleeding again. Are you having fun throwing yourself a pity party? “

Apparently this hits home because Ren whips his head in Hux direction and glares at him, Hux isn’t impressed Ren eyes are red because of all the crying and he sees the pain and the anger in his eyes but Hux doesn’t stop he’s not here to coddle Ren.

“So you failed you’re a failure, we all failed that day and we all lost something. No one cares that you killed your father. You’re the master of the knights of Ren, one of the most powerful force users to ever exist and people are terrified at the sound of your name, how afraid would they be if they saw you right now. Stop this, get up and control yourself. We’re a day away from the Supreme leader’s planet. It’s your decision do you want to be Kylo Ren or Ben Solo?”

Ren actually growls at him “Ben Solo is dead!”.

Finally, Hux thinks.

“Well then if weak Ben Solo is dead than Kylo Ren will get up and show the whole galaxy who he really is and why they should be afraid of him” Hux says and then he extends his gloved hand towards Ren.

Ren takes his hand, turns the water off and gets up. Hux watches him while he settles in bed the tears are gone replaced by a blank stare.

“I’ll let you rest before we get to the Supreme Leader” Hux says.

“No. Come here” Ren says. Hux wants to argue but that’s the Kylo Ren he knows not the weeping one and he doesn’t know when he’ll see Ren again so he goes to him. He removes his boots and his jacket and lays next to him on the bed and doesn’t say anything even when Ren throws an arm around his waist and pulls him close.

Just before Hux falls asleep he thinks he hears Ren say “Thank you for bringing me back to reality” but he’s probably dreaming because Ren would never thank him.

That’s the last time he sees him.

 

X

 

Ren died 65 days after leaving the Finalizer. He died at the hands of resistance fighters if Hux ever finds out who they are he will make sure that they get a fate worth than death.

Ren died on a planet where the sun never sets and Hux will destroy this sun and the planet even if it’s the last thing he does.

Hux didn’t feel anything he moment Ren died, why would he? When he got the news that Kylo Ren was dead, he nodded his expression not changing. He felt numb he didn’t understand what was happening. He wasn’t able to process what was happening.

That night he couldn’t sleep he tried not to think about Ren but that was the only thing he was capable of.

The first time he saw Ren it was early morning he always woke up early and that morning the first thing he heard was “You should stay in bed, you work yourself to hard” and if Hux wasn’t so used to Ren’s dramatic entrance he would have screamed because Ren was in front of him in his usual black robes without his mask smirking at him. That was the moment when Hux stated crying, that was the moment it all hit him and he despised Ren for doing this to him.

Hux doesn’t let go of Ren, he doesn’t want to and he doesn’t know how to, so Ren keeps showing up.

It’s always when he’s alone, working or trying to sleep because those are the moments when Ren would have usually barged in either throwing a tantrum or wanting to fuck.

Sometimes Hux closes his eyes and he swears he can feel Ren’s lips.

 

X

 

“This wasn’t supposed to happen” Hux says, he’s in his office he locked his self in. The resistance has taken over the ship and it’s a matter of time till they get to him. Hux isn’t even panicking he feels like this is a long time coming, that he should be expecting it

“It’s a war, there’s always a losing side” Ren says lounging on one of Hux chairs not bothered by the situation why would he he’s already dead. Hux glares at him.

“I meant us. In any other world, in any other universe we would have despised each other, we might even have killed each other but in this one I love you and it fucking hurts. The only thing I can think of right now is that maybe I’ll see you soon and it’s pathetic” Hux says.

Ren is now standing in front of him big brown eyes staring at him adoringly, the look that Hux has only seen a couple of times in the early mornings when they were not fully conscious to control the emotions on their faces.

“It’s okay, I’m right here I’m not going anywhere” Ren says.

Hux knows that, so he removes his gloves and takes out his blaster aiming it to his temple.

He smiles at Ren “Careful Ren, one might think that you actually care”

The last thing he sees before pulling the trigger is Ren trying to reach for him like he could be able to catch him.

Ren isn’t there anymore he’s dead and now so is Hux.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, kudos and comments are always appreciated and make me happy!
> 
> Here's [my tumblr](http://chillanddrinkcoffee.tumblr.com/) and my [kylux sideblog](https://carefulrenthatsenough.tumblr.com/)


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